I'm A Shell Of A Girl That I Used To Know Well (Luke/Dila)

Yes she could smell it, and she could tell she should be excited, but Dila was excited enough for the both of them and Iris was pregnant with what felt like a large litter, probably 3 or 4 which already had Iris groaning. How could she raise 1 pup let alone 3 or 4? The gods must hate her, rolling for such a large litter. It was tiring to walk for so long and so far, to eat so very little, only nibbling on a few herbs she vaguely recognized as edible and some grass.

Iris felt like she should be taking care of Dila, after all Dila was so much younger, but Dila was taking care of Iris if anything. Without the younger wolfs energy, Iris would have been happy to lay down and feel herself slip away, not even having the will to go one for the pups inside of her. Which only made her feel worse, shouldn't a mother love her pups enough to do anything for them?

Why didn't she want to go on?

Taking a deep breath, Iris bobbed her head unenthusiastic-ally in response to what was to her a pup. "Joy." She replied dryly, looking into the forest cautiously, feeling like a scared little pup and wanting nothing more than to turn around and run away from here.

She hadn't expected this one this close to the border, and so the canine who stepped into her path scared her, like a ghost from the past. But that's what he was though, wasn't he? He'd been the one to walk into camp with Bobby's dead body on his back, carrying the large wolf as though he weighed nothing to him. Luke was as strong as any wolf, she knew, but she'd never thought much of him.

She bowed her head in respect and submission. Luke had never been the violent type, but her father had killed his friend, little annoying one. He hadn't deserved that.

"We, well, we came in hopes of joining Gabe's pack." Wow, that sounded lame. She struggled to find better words, "Iris is pregnant and we couldn't stay there anymore!" There. That sounded more urgent.

Luke, well, as much as Luke wanted to turn them away, he couldn't. A dam couldn't survive on her own, and even with little Dila helping her, they'd likely starve to death in this winter, especially if another storm hit. And it wasn't his place to turn them away. Gabe needed to make this decision, the pack needed to make this decision. Jenlee has been accepted back with open paws, but that was because she'd not fought to drive them out. She was Gabe's squire.

Dila and Iris though. Iris had killed Bobby. Iris was the reason this had all come to pass, even if that rat bastard Linde had provoked it, Iris had been weak enough to do it.

He turned and nodded, "Follow me."

It was a nice day. It was cold, yes, but nice all the same. Sable was lying near Libby, watching the other female nurse the fawn she'd adopted, feeling grateful that Libby had enough heart to accept the little deer. Not many would be willing to nurse what they considered a prey animal, and Sable had been keeping most of the adults away, showing a flash of her former spirit as she warned the curious ones away. They didn't need to get any closer; they could see well enough that this was a deer, and yes, Libby was nursing it. She could understand their confusion, but she ignored it.

Motion. Sable glanced around to see Luke. Back from a patrol; nothing special... or so she thought at first. Another form followed him in and Sable blinked to make sure she wasn't seeing things. Blink. Blink. Stare. It couldn't be. Standing near the entrance, head low, eyes flitting from one wolf to another, her daughter stood there... Iris stood there. Sable began to gasp again, and the picture changed; she saw Iris again, standing over the limp form of Bobby, her paws red with his blood, her eyes fiery, laughing, an insane, mocking sound.

The picture faded and she was once more seeing Iris in the present, but it didn't make it any easier to see the defeated look in her eye, the dejected posture. She looked like she'd been through hell, and Sable struggled to hold back the laugh that unexpectedly bubbled in her throat. She rose and took a few steps forward, staring at the female. When she spoke, her voice was quiet but hard. "How dare you?"

It had been a normal enough night. He was settling down in the den he had claimed as his own. He would have invited Giselle to share it with him as they had done before, but she had been sticking close to their mother, which was a smart idea. He was calling it an early night since he would be going on patrol in the morning and as he yawned and stretched, before his eyes could even close, he heard a ruckus. A loud ruckus. He stirred, but he hadn't even had a chance to rise when one of the dogs were there.

"Sir, we have a problem," The canine grunted and Gabe rose and pushed past him towards the edge of the camp where he could see the pack congregating around Luke. And someone else. "She's pregnant, we can't just chase her out," Gabe heard one of the dams mutter. He blinked as his eyes fell on his sister.

He's never seen such a sad sight in all his eyes. While most of his family and pack felt nothing but hatred to this she-wolf, he couldn't bring himself to feel anything Maybe it was because he'd been pushing aside the grief of his father's death for so long, but he couldn't feel anything. Not anger, not sadness, no rage, not happiness. Nothing. The only emotion he could feel, tugging at his chest, was pity, looking at the shadow of what his sister had once been.

Like a true Alpha, he didn't need to cal for silence. As he stepped into the clearing formed by the pack, they all fell silent, waiting for him to speak. A second form part of him had been expecting since the day Jenlee had showed up was right besides Iris. Dila. She seemed to wish to speak on their behalf, and Iris looked so lost he accepted it.

"Sir, I know we have no right to ask to join you're pack, but we realize how wrong we were. The dogs were pack and they didn't deserve this, none of you deserved this and please, even if you kick me out, let Iris stay. You'll kill her pups if you make her leave and they haven't hurt anyone," She pleaded.

Gabe flicked his tail and looked at the group of people around him. Luke had a steeled expression, blank, but Gabe could see the pity in his eyes. He knew where the mountain dog, his second, stood. But there were others to consider in this decision. Timber stood with his brook, Libby still in the back with the fawn Sable had saved. But Vitani, Stasia, Mila, Cendra and Bronze were all there, by his paws. Timber's eyes were hard. It seemed split, as he looked at his pack. About half wanted her chased, ther rest seemed to take pity on the pregnant she-wolf.

"Gabe," Timber called roughly, glaring openly at the younger she-wolf, "She does not belong here. Not after what she did." More barks rose up in agreement and soon some of the dams were quieting their mates, "Would you really turn out a pregnant she-wolf, damn her pups without a second thought?"

More voices, spinning Gabe's head like a hornets nest. Should she stay or should she go, Dad, what should I do, kick her out, or raise the pups that bastard Linden probably gave to her- kick her out! But her pups! And what about the traitor's daughter!?

"SILENCE," He roared, baring his fangs at his pack. "All of us, move to the cave, we will discuss this live civil beings and not like a frenzied pack of mindless killers!" He snapped, turning to stare his packmates in the eyes, daring anyone to defy him.

Faith had been in a large den that her and some of the other squires were sharing, and while most of them, warn out from their days training, were about to drift off to sleep, they were all startled by a loud explosion of voices coming from the edge of camp. Faith was at the entrance of their den first, and she cocked her head to the side as the other squires pushed up around her. They ducked their heads as they heard their Bolverk, Timber, growling loudly about something. What was going on. Go and see, one of the younger squires urged her and she swished her tail, boldly stepping out into the snow. She shivered, the shift in temperature from the warm and populated den to the cold winter air great, but her curiosity overwhelmed her.

But then the crowd of pack members broke and she could here her uncle using a very stern voice. She flicked her ears and the other squires moved to join her, but her eyes widened the most when she saw who was walking into camp.

Her aunt. And her friend. The squires all hushed and stood still as the pack moved towards the low lying cave system they had made camp near along the side of the mountain. No one seemed to be paying the younger wolves any mind, so they followed, slipping into the cave with them as they formed a circle around Iris and Dila. Does your aunt look fat to you? One of the male squires asked her and a friend of hers shoved him over, speaking harshly. Faith barely heard them, but her eyes did move to look at Iris's stomach. Pregnant? But who was the father?

She tried to catch Dila's eyes as the pack settled, but found herself looking away from the wolf she'd once called friend, and toward her uncle.

Iris didn't know if she regretted leaving her home to come here, because in the moment she felt utterly miserable and seeing her family, her pack members all the way over here made her riddled with guilt. Timber's words, as well as the shouts from many of the other members cut her and she was having trouble focusing. She could feel it around her paws, a pool of blood that kept rising.

It would consume her, blood she spilled coming back to haunt and suffocate her. Blood of her father, with her mother there, watching with a cold hatred, or at least that was how Iris saw it. She couldn't look up and meet anyone's eyes, it took miles of effort to keep concentrated enough to take steps as Gabe's voice cut through, silencing the pack and ordering them into... caves?

Was he going to side with them? It would make more sense, she wouldn't be able to begrudge him throwing her out or killing her where she stood, and Iris wouldn't fight it. She had no fight left in her, and for once she was truly at the mercy of her family.

Then again, hadn't she always been at their mercy? Dependent on them for their approval and affection? Too dependent that when she felt she'd lost it, she'd been so easily led astray and manipulated? Yes.

She'd always been at their mercy.

The she-wolf wondered if she was expected to speak, but really, what was there to say? Ask for forgiveness? Beg for a place to stay? No. She had no right to do so. Instead, Iris walked alongside Dila, going where the younger she-wolf went, relying too much on her and trying to stop that shaking, and above all, refusing to look at her mother.

Too much. A trail of blood behind her, she could feel it soaking her fur and marking her as the traitor and the monster she had made herself out to be.

Trying hard to focus her mind and escape the flood of blood, Iris looked up at Dila, and occasionally she'd glance toward Gabe and the on watchers, but she could never meet their eyes, only scan their bodies to see where they were and wonder if they were attacking yet. Her ears were an odd combination of straining to hear their verdict and trying to block it all out, pretend none of it was happening and they weren't saying those things.

Then, there was a little puff of fur, tiny in comparison to all that was around. Popping out from the crowd of wolves and dogs was a small little thing. Iris only could vaguely put a name to it, a cat. It was a kitten, small and just like a pup. What was a kitten doing here, in a pack of wolves? The she-wolf raised one paw, not in a threatening manner, and pawed the ground in front of her once, in the direction of the small kitten as she tried to make sense of it. It seemed so breakable and fragile, which in reality it probably was. Another thing for her to destroy. One hit and the kitten would go flying, hit the wall of the cave and fall to the ground, breathing no more. It was too easy to imagine and Iris wondered when she had reached the point that such an image could come be so simple to conjure up.

A question that dug deep.

Why was Iris sad?

The she-wolf took a step back, toward Dila, the only person here that she truly knew would support her and even that support could diminish in a second. She couldn't rely on even it, but Iris needed something not matter how false it was. She threw her head a little toward the kitten, in a motion that could be interpreted as wanting it to go away, not wanting to listen to these questions and see the innocent sincerity in the kitten's eyes. Innocence that Iris could remember feeling once, a pup herself that had done nothing but look up to her mother and father, want to make them proud of her and do everything she could to live up to their standards. A pup who thought little of power in anything more than who would play the Fenrir or Rhea in the little games that she, Gabe and Giselle would play. It was too reminiscent of all she had destroyed and Iris was losing grip, she knew it. Losing her grip on the control of her shaking body and quickening breath, racing heart rate.

She tried, gods she tried. To be the strong wolf, in control and sure of herself, confident, that her father would want her to be. That had been respected by all who now watched, but it was all slipping away as everything seemed to press down on her mind. Innocence and silly little childhood games. The passion and hope for a better future, untainted by selfish desires for power and just power over the welfare of her pack. Love from her father and her mother, loyalty to siblings above all. Even the feelings she had had for Linden and that she had imagined him having in return.

Iris took on more step away, unaware of how she appeared, panicked and her eyes glazed over as she seemed to be unable to really concentrate. Her one step being more of a stumbling backwards, trying to escape the memories that seeing the kitten and hearing that question seemed to force upon her. Breathing fast and seeming absolutely terrified, lowing her head this time and trying to make herself smaller. Timid and fearful.

Why are you sad?

Everything is falling apart.

Iris's arrival had nearly completed Sable's recovery. By the very sight of her, the old female was pulled from the last traces of misery and grief; they combined and strengthened into a desperate mix of anger and hatred. Maybe it was directed at Iris, and maybe it wasn't... maybe it was directed at her because there was no one else to rage at. The female pushed her way forward to sit near the rock Gabe had claimed as his during these meetings. She sat straight, her eyes fixed firmly, unblinkingly, on the pregnant female... on her daughter. And she swallowed, and her anger wavered, allowing the misery and confusion to sneak in again.

Her eyes shadowed, but she kept her head held straight and forced her body to remain still, fighting back the memories that crept round and round in her mind, like scavengers waiting for the right moment to pounce and bring her down. Stock still, hardly daring to move, she could not stop herself from trembling nonetheless. Why was Iris even here? Hadn't she gotten what she wanted? She'd killed Bobby, become Rhea, and chased out the dogs and the wolves who enjoyed the company of dogs. Why, then, was she here? But she didn't need to ask who had impregnated her. Only one came to her mind when she did wonder about it- the male who had helped and plotted with Iris the downfall of the former Fenrir.

Her gaze then did shift, toward the kit she had all but adopted as her own- an odd sort of daughter, as Taler was an odd sort of son. The cat wandered over to Iris, and Sable jerked, half-rising; Gabe's voice rang out, ordering the kit to sit by her or Libby. And some part warmed when Vitani chose to settle down with her, even though she knew it was probably more that she wanted to be near the meeting, rather than with her adopted mother and away from the trial. Bending her head, Sable licked the kit between her ears once, before straightening up once more.

Now Gabe was speaking, facing Iris again, and in his words, Sable found solace. He spoke the words she thought, almost as though he were pulling them from her mind. Sable's gaze flicked around the crowd of wolves and dogs, keen eyes taking in the sight of the looks directed toward the pregnant she-wolf. Most faces wore masks of hatred, most hungered for vengeance for the death of two of their number and the kidnap of another. Only a few faces showed any sort of mercy, and she could not help but wonder if those few would still be so sympathetic if Iris were not pregnant. Would they turn against her too?

Blue-violet eyes drifted back to Iris, and her head listed to one side as Gabe's voice reached her once again, still cold and furious. Was it hate he felt? He longed to understand. But what words could Iris use to explain herself? How could she justify her actions? She had betrayed them, all of them; she had turned her back on the family and even worse, she had personally killed the head of the pack. Had killed Bobby- the Fenrir, the leader of many moons, the father to three, and Sable's beloved. Bloodstained paws, mirthless laughter, an exclamation of victory.

"No reason. No reason! None that would ever be good enough!" Sable was on her paws. "H-he was so proud of you. When you were born- you can't remember- our first daughter. When you teethed, you chewed on his tail. He never minded. When you were little, he played with you for hours, never tiring, and nothing else mattered. He put aside all duties of Fenrir aside whenever you asked him to play." Laughing, crying, the memories swelled and crashed over; Sable's voice shook but she could not stop. "He watched you train as a Squire, cheered over each accomplishment, and I thought he would burst with pride when you became Remus."

Her throat swelled, her voice broke off for the moment, tears blinded her. "Everything... everything you did. So proud. You were his first daughter. How could he not be proud? And then..." She could not get her breath. Her sides heaved as she gasped, her body a-tremble. "You turned away from him. You did wrong, Iris. You're pregnant. He'd be proud of you for that too... maybe he is, despite it all. But we can't know that, Iris, and it's your fault. Yours, and that bastard's. Bobby and I- we were fools. Fools, to trust so blindly. We should have acted sooner.

"He called you a tornado. And he was right. You plotted, killed, tore us apart... and no amount of apology can ever be enough. Bobby's dead."

As the pack had settled for the meeting or trial or whatever this was to be, Luke took his place at Gabe's other side, his mother already taking one. He smiled warmly as the kit moved forward from the group, though for once the entire pack seemed ready to jump to the kit's defense from the "traitor."

Now that he wasn't so overturned by her arrival, he was able to get a better look at the two she-wolves. Iris didn't look well, beside being pregnant. He's known her at primarily two stages in her life. First she'd been the one everyone knew would become the heir, she was the Remus. She may have greatly disliked the dogs, but she didn't seemed to have a strong hatred of them. She organized patrols and helped hunting parties, acting as one of the high ranking wolves should. She was strong and proud and efficient. But then there was stage two, after Gabe had been named Heir. She'd become unraveled, but not weak. Her mind was breaking apart with madness and anger, but she seemed to have a focus. Once Luke had thought the focus had been on keeping the pack strong, and he'd never imagined what she was actually plotting.

But this was a different Iris, from either of the other two he'd know. This one was broken, which perhaps was a good thing. Like a jar that had contained water, her walls broke and the madness seemed to seep from her, leaving her sane but broken. Instead of hearing Linden
s words as supreme she'd finally come to realize what her actions had brought on. Her father was dead and never again would he be able to praise her or love her, nor his pups, mate, or grandpups.

He had spaced out thinking about this, but then suddenly Gabe's and Sable's harsh words brought him out of his head and his own thoughts and he blinked. Gabe had been the prime example of leadership since their move, but whatever emotions he'd kept in were now pouring out in a very bad fashion. Despite whatever the she-wolf had done, she was clearly punishing herself more than any of them could, their words only further proving to her what a horrible wolf she was.

Taking a deep breath and steeling himself, he stood and stepped forward between Iris and her family. Dila looked like she was about to do the same, but he shook his head at her.

"Alpha, you and I and everyone here knows you are a both a brave and loving leader, so as your second I am going to remind you to put aside your hate. She was sick with madness, much of which was bred from Linden's words of hate. I firmly believe none of this would have happened if that coward had not influenced her." There were some sneers of displeasure from the pack and Luke stared down his packmates, daring them to speak against him.

"I plead for you to let your temper calm because you make a rash decision that would effect not only the life of two she-wolves, but also a litter of your unborn nieces and nephews." He kept his face determined but otherwise blank. He hated Linden and would gladly rip him apart if he ever saw the mongrel again, but Dila was not him, and the pups Iris carried were not him. They deserved mercy.

Though Libby was not part of the meeting, she knew what was going on. She could hear the words spoken, because the canines a part of it were not being subtle or quiet. Ears pricked, she listened carefully, soundlessly cheering on Gabe and Sable as they tore into the she-wolf who had disrupted her life and allowed the kidnap of one of her pups. She missed Cedar, and she didn't even know how to get him back; she couldn't leave her other charges, and she could only hope that her baby had someone to look after him, to make sure he had enough to eat and stayed safe until he was back at her side.

But she was glad. From the sound of it, the Ulfric and the old female who was his mother were about two seconds from tossing Iris out on her ear, and she deserved nothing less, in Libby's eyes. She dropped her head, licked Taler between his floppy ears, and set her chin on the ground, only idly listening now. She was just waiting for Gabe to order Iris to get her sorry tail out. Dila- Dila could stay. Dila had done nothing wrong, and probably had been as much victim in all this as the Stormsoul wolves. She had not betrayed her pack, stolen pups, killed a beloved old leader.

But then Luke was speaking, and Libby's mouth dropped open in disbelief. He would speak for the backstabber? She growled, rose, and turned back for one moment. "Stay here," she ordered her pups and Taler, before stalking over to the meeting place. "Out of my way!" she snapped, and pushed her way into the cave, coming nose to nose with Luke. "You might be blinded, Ranger, but I am not. I do not want this wolf to stay. How do we know she was not sent here to spy? She's dangerous, Gabe, and she's proved it!" She gave Timber a nod. "Kick her out. She deserves it. She gave no thought to our well-being when she split the pack and exiled us! Why should we show her mercy when she has shown none to us?"